Nice guys aren't.

A "nice guy" is a person that believes that if he is good enough he will get his needs met, everybody will like him and approve of him and he will live a smooth problem free life. I recently read a book called No More Mr. Nice Guy and the author, Dr. Glover explained why being a "nice guy" is not a good thing. According to the author we learn as children to be good and we will get our needs met and we carry that belief into adulthood.

This does not translate well into adulthood because the adult then tries to manage outcomes by being good. This is dishonest and manipulative. In every situation the "inner child" wants to be good enough and approved of in order to have a problem free life so he is willing to be dishonest. Modifying the truth is done through outright lying or by just omitting certain pertinent facts of a story in an attempt to make sure everyone is happy and likes us. I learned from the author that children lie because they are not powerful and in order to level the playing field they lie and because of childish "magical thinking" the child believes the adult will not find out.

One other thing I learned from this book is that our attempts to manage outcomes create a lot of anxiety. This anxiety is a manifestation of an internal conversation we are having due to seemingly unmanageable situations. The internal mantra or conversation is "I can't handle this". When you are anxious listen to your thoughts, I believe you will hear yourself saying that you can not handle the negative outcome of the present situation. The author suggests we adopt a new mantra. Whenever you feel anxious you choose the thought "I can handle it!" Because we can. This helps us be more authentic and to remain honest because we know that we can handle any outcome from telling the truth. I have a long way to go but I am less anxious because I have a better understanding of my internal conversation.

Interview with Charlotte Thomas - Who can I help today?

I was fortunate enough to have an opportunity to interview Charlotte Thomas. She is a local Top Producing agent that reminds us to make sure we always keep in mind, "Who Can I help todaY?"

Can I improve the casual conversation?

This morning I was listening to recording about approachability. I learned some really cool concepts. Have you ever asked anyone about their weekend? Usually they will relate what they did. "We worked on the yard and had a family barbecue", and our general response is, "Oh I like to barbecue" or "I went to a movie" or something else that makes the conversation about you. Well in order to be more approachable and engage the other person more deeply, I suggest that you make sure to ask three more questions. When you are more willing to listen to the other person you strengthen that relationship very quickly. After the third question and response you have permission to talk about yourself. Make sure however, to get contact information. Once you return to your office or home, you want to send a handwritten note referencing the conversation and how it was good to meet or talk to your new friend. What a great way to improve upon the casual conversation and take your game to the next level. A great reference is the book by Scott Ginsberg, "Hello My Name is Scott".