So much Drama

The ancient definition of “passion” was “anguish” or “suffering” – which comes from passive reaction to external events.  *Stoics endeavored to transcend passion through apatheia, or peace of mind (literally, “without passion”) to attain eupatheia, which are feelings that result from evolving our reactions.

Are there situations that spark negative emotions in you?  Most of my Facebook friends post often about how situations make them feel (insert negative emotion here).  If you look again at the first sentence - their anguish and suffering come from a passive reaction (victim) to external events. When I read this I recognize that there are many times that I let my mind take me to negative places.  Today, in simple situations I have worked on seeing difficult situations and choosing a neutral mindset.

Another Stoic tenet is that nothing is good or bad and the only thing we control is our perception.  The Stoic idea is that every situation is an opportunity.  I am sure that it will take work but I can see how controlling my perceptions, seeing everything as an opportunity and not good or bad and not allowing myself to being victimized will make me a better man.

*Stoicism is a school of Hellenistic philosophy founded in Athens by Zeno of Citium in the early 3rd century BC. The Stoics taught that destructive emotions resulted from errors in judgment, and that a sage, or person of "moral and intellectual perfection," would not suffer such emotions.

Real Estate and the man in the mirror

I am convinced that real estate sales is the greatest arena for self improvement.  If you want to be great you have to decide to be great.  Then you must find an arena to test your ideas, confront your fears and improve your disciplines.  I didn't always feel this way.  In the beginning I took advantage of the fact that I could sell a few houses and make enough money to clothe my children.  However, I hit my ceiling.  Gary Keller has an excellent example in his book The Millionaire Real Estate Agent.  He talks about the Natural Achievement Ceiling.   Natural ability can take us only so far.  No matter how gifted we are we will all eventually hit the ceiling of our natural ability.  I have always been grateful for my natural ability.  Complex systems and tasks are generally pretty easy for me but I hit my ceiling so I adjusted and then hit my ceiling again so I adjusted and hit my ceiling again.  Fortunately for me, even though sometimes I can be a slow learner I eventually learned that I had to figure out how to break through. I had to discipline myself and take on systems and models that were duplicatable.  For a while there I hated real estate as I denied the fact that I would have to change and be a disciplined achiever.  I rejected the idea that my natural ability was not up to the task.  Gratefully I have overcome my ego and I have chosen to apply my natural ability to improving my discipline and systems.  The challenge is invigorating.  I am the foundation to my success in the world therefore I must improve myself first.  That is why I am a member of the 5 am club, I choose to eat by the guidelines of The Primal Blueprint and I constantly look for weakness, lack of discipline and doubt and I attack it.  I am loving my growth and evolution.

I am always reading.  Feel free to contact me for some good book recommendations.

Options are bad

I read an article recently that suggested that in order to accomplish my goals I had to get more disciplined instead of more motivated.  Motivation infers that I need a motive for action.  Discipline is a decision to follow a set of rules and install habits that if done consistently and at a high level will cause me to inevitably arrive at my destination, my goal.  I have discovered however, that if I have an option then I will not be consistent.  An example is that I love getting up early during the week.  So, I am up at 4:50 am on Monday Wednesday and Friday if I am playing racquetball but I sometimes sleep in until 7 or later on Tuesday and Thursday.  Funny thing is that I am usually up by 6 on Saturday and Sunday.  A couple of years ago I learned the concept of the black and white rule.  Another name for it is the All or Nothing rule.  So, in the case of wakeup time, the new rule is I always wake up at 4:50 am.  There is never a reason or excuse that will allow me to sleep later.   The option is what makes me ineffective.  I always exercise, never an option not to exercise.  I always eat primally, never an option to eat junk.  Giving myself the option, I have learned after my short experience on this planet only gives me an out.  It gives me just enough rope to hang myself.  I remember having a rule that I exercised three days a week.  Then I would let my self off the hook if I missed one day, then I remember missing weeks and telling myself that I would start again next week.  I am sure that I am the only one that has done that.  Well now the black and white rule is that I exercise everyday.  My body requires it, I feel better after I do it and I don't always sprint five blocks but I am active and I am feel better.  Black and white rules eliminate options.  Options are bad for self growth, weight loss, health, sales and relationships.

Abandon your Identity for Growth

Who we think we are holds us in place.  This process is so subtle that it is hard to see even when you understand the concept.  Consider for a second that you want to be a better athlete.  You practice and play and compete until you believe that you are good and you begin to beat the people around you.  Well you are still limited by your self image.  The way that you see yourself is your limitation. If you think that you are a good athlete when you can win a certain number of matches then even while understanding that your self image holds you in place, you do nothing to get to the next level.  Why don't you get a coach?  Well, nobody around me has a coach.  Exactly.  Much of our identity is set by the people we surround ourselves with.  I have learned that as a salesman I must make a herculean effort to outperform my peers.  I must be willing to break rapport and not be liked or approved of in order to be a great performer.  I read somewhere that most people will live their entire lives broke because they have to be liked. 

Identity - How do we define identity?  Well this seems like an easy question.  We are who we are because we choose to be that way.  Let's look at this. We define our identity by how we dress.  We define our identity by how we talk.  We define ourselves by how we set goals and how we work to achieve those goals. We define ourselves by our heritage.  Now look back over the last few sentences.  It isn't a  complete and comprehensive way of how we define our identity but I do want you to notice that everyone of those things is determined by outside influence.  We dress a certain way because that is the way our peers dress, and in order to fit in and be approved of and accepted we must maintain a certain level or method of dress.  Tattooed bikers tend to hang out together as do blonde princess types and nerds and vegetarians.   Obviously, I could demonstrate that every way that we act and interact is determined by the way that we are influenced by our environment and more specifically those people we interact with on a daily basis.  

Abandon your Identity - Becoming a super performer requires us to be able to choose our path and breaking with our current influencers.  We must be willing to abandon our current environment and identity if we are ever going to be able to move ourselves and our lives to the next level.  Have you ever gotten into a rut?  Why is it so difficult to get out of that rut?  Because we are surrounded by people that we believe depend on us to remain in that rut.  Destructive habits go away once we abandon our environment.  I once read that there was a high percentage of US forces in Viet Nam that were addicted to heroin because it was such an easy drug to access while in country.  During the Viet Nam era there was a fear that the US would have to deal with a large number of veterans returning to the US addicted to this very destructive drug.  It turned out that the fears were unfounded.  Upon returning the service members returned to lives where that behavior was unacceptable.   They came back to homes where they were loved and they had responsibilities and goals and dreams.  Most returning veterans were able to drop the drug altogether and never return to it.  How is this possible?  Well the soldiers and sailors were in an environment where heroin use was accepted.  When that environment was abandoned, so were all the habits and tendencies associated with it.  Consider for a second that your ruts, self destructive habits and laziness are products of your environment.  We must be willing to abandon that which gives us identity to take our life to the next level.   Are you unsatisfied with your life?  Could you be better? Do you feel like you are nothing but potential?  Do you ever want to live up to your potential?  You must be willing to abandon your identity to grow. 

Most of my posts are just notes to myself.  I want to be able to remember what I have learned and be able to communicate it well.  If this helps you please let me know by commenting.  Thank you for reading my blog.  Rolando

The right side of the menu

In 2012 I am committed to deciding what I want by looking at the left side of the menu. I know that I am probably the only one that looks at the right side of the menu and after I find a price that I am willing to pay, I check to see what I will be having for lunch. This does not just apply to eating at restaurants. This also applies to larger decisions about weed eaters and floor tile and shelving units and cars and fixer upper houses and everything.

Looking at the right side of the menu means I lack of confidence. It suggests that I want something but I don't believe that I can stretch and grow enough to earn what I want and therefore I am limited by what I have. Looking at the right side of the menu means I believe there is not enough. I only have this much and I can't get more so I need to get the biggest bang for my buck. Looking at the right side of the menu is the ultimate in instant gratification mindset. I have this much in my pocket so I will buy now rather than save and buy what I want later.

Looking at the left side of the menu means I feel good about myself. I deserve the best not the most affordable. Looking at the left side of the menu means I believe in myself. I can get what I want when I want it because I know I can get it when I want it. Looking at the left side of the menu means that I create my life the way I want it and I am not subject to my self imposed limitations. I am eager to enjoy 2012.

William Bustos - Getting Started in Real Estate

Interview with Charlotte Thomas - Who can I help today?

I was fortunate enough to have an opportunity to interview Charlotte Thomas. She is a local Top Producing agent that reminds us to make sure we always keep in mind, "Who Can I help todaY?"

"Being Realistic" is the most commonly traveled road to mediocrity. Will Smith

The Problem with Goal Setting

Goal setting has always been a problem for me. In trying to overcome this problem, I have read and reread books such as Psycho Cybernetics, Think and Grow Rich, The Magic of Thinking Big, Awaken the Giant Within and many more. I have listened to coaches and trainers guide me through goal setting sessions but the strategies have never actually stuck. Don’t get me wrong, I have accomplished many things in my life and in my business, but not one of my accomplishments will I attribute to the kind of goal setting that I have read and learned about.

My problem with traditional goal setting is that after a few days the enthusiasm fades and the goal sheet ends up in a bedside table. I realize that I lose focus and I forget what I want and how badly I want it. I will set a goal for a new car and then I will get distracted and stop working towards earning more money. This being the end of the year I have an instinct that I must set goals and move towards accomplishing them. I do not want to repeat what I have done in previous years and read my goals for a couple of weeks and then put them away and forget about them. I want to set goals and follow through the entire year so I can look back at the end of the year and be proud of myself. I have learned a principle that I think will help.

1. Dissatisfaction is my greatest ally and will get me into action.

Today I want to talk about how I plan on setting my goals. One night about a week ago I was laying in bed thinking about goal setting. It occurred to me that dissatisfaction is caused by comparing ourselves to the ideal. In other words, I feel bad when I think of the best basketball player or chess player or Realtor because I know that I am capable but I am not making my best effort to achieve those end results. Dissatisfaction grows when we compare to the ideal; the Ideal Realtor or the Ideal Father, etc. An interesting thing happens in our brain when we are uncomfortable. We either look at the thing that is making us uncomfortable and attack it to eliminate the discomfort or we look away. What determines which response we have? We take action when we feel that we can control and eliminate the discomfort. We avoid and ignore dealing with the subject when we do not have faith in our ability to overcome the obstacle. For too long I have been avoiding doing the things that will make me happy because of some perceived pain or lack of control. This is generally referred to as a “victim mentality.” It is an unspoken belief that forces such as the weather, traffic circumstances or other external factors are acting on me. I then realized that I already have the ideal picture in my head of who I am and what an Ideal Realtor looks like. As I came to grips with this concept of understanding the Ideal I decided to focus on it and quantify it.

The Ideal Realtor:
Prospecting Habit
Presentation Practice Habit
Phone Scripts
8x8
33 touch
12 direct
Systems for marketing
Client Care Systems
Lead Generation systems
Lead Follow up systems
SOI Growing systems

I noticed that as I focused on the ideal the words came out almost too fast to write down. We already have the ideal image in our head of who we can become. We already know the components that make up this Ideal person. But we have created a scotoma that helps us avoid looking at our Ideal. There are many other characteristics and habits that can be added to quantify the Ideal Realtor. And every one of the systems has more detail that can be added.

One of the things I have learned from all of my reading and studying is that clarity is power. The more clarity I have about a specific system or process the easier it is for me to implement and to remember. A collateral benefit to adding clarity to the ideal is that it intensifies my dissatisfaction with my current state. Intense dissatisfaction is what makes me take action.

It then occurred to me that I could have intense dissatisfaction about many different situations. What does my ideal kitchen look like? What does my ideal healthy state include? How about an ideal relationship? Is it possible that I could create an ideal state of cleanliness that forces me to take action and finally clean out the garage?

My goal setting, therefore, is to verbalize and quantify the ideal pictures that I already have in my head adding detail and clarity so that I am motivated every time I read them to take immediate action.

Incongruent Behavior

Saying one thing and doing another is incongruent behavior. This morning I got on my scale in order to create tension between current reality and my goal. I noticed the scale jumped to 220 lbs. My goal is 200 and fit. Good - tension created. I then realized that I had gotten on the scale yesterday and the result was pretty much the same. However, instead of working out and eating better I ate a piece of cake before I went to bed. That is what you call an obvious incongruency.

This morning I was on the phone making phone calls to For Sale By Owners and another agent verbalized a thought that I was already thinking. FSBO's are mean nasty and rude. My next call the person that answered was not mean nasty or rude but I was already out of rapport with my goal of setting an appointment so I let the seller convince me that I could not help her. Incongruence is a demonstration of our lack of belief. We say we want something but then do not marshal our personal power and act congruently to achieve our goals. We do not believe that we can achieve what we set out to do. What actions, attitudes and beliefs are necessary to take congruent action consistently? I wish I had an answer. We want to be one person but then act in direct contradiction to our stated purpose.

I said that I wanted to prospect consistently and on a schedule but for the last week I have not made it into the office on time and arrived at my prospecting station after 9:00 am. A stated purpose or goal and incongruent actions that lead to opposite results. Joe Stumph, who I consider to be an incredible trainer and coach, tells us that we must make our goal more important and more real than our current reality. I believe that we must eliminate options. What ideas do you have to help me make on time prospecting with a purpose a must and not a should or optional?

Personal Responsibility

Am I taking personal responsibility for everything in my life? For most people this is a tough question to read much less answer. Everything? What about that driver on the way into the office or the economy or the mortgage companies? I had a tough time sleeping last night, I was concerned about a real estate transaction and I ate 7-11 hotdogs for dinner. It was not my fault.

The problem with not taking personal responsibility for EVERYTHING in our lives is that then we must admit that we are being acted upon. We must admit that we are victims! We do not have control over our circumstances and if we do not have control in one situation what evidence do we have that we have control in any situation. If we continue to view our circumstances with the attitude "I didn't create this, it's not my fault," in effect, we are saying, "I'm not in control of my life." As soon as you say, "I create it all, the good, the bad, and the ugly," you take control of your life!

If you are ready the two simple steps to TAKING CONTROL of your life are:

1. Take 100% responsibility for your current reality, regardless how blissful or how dismal.

2. Become 100% responsible for changing your current reality: "If it's going to be, it's up to me." Examine these 2 steps. Neither of them require any physical work on your part; there is no "doing." They are simply paradigm shifts; they both simply require a change in attitude, a new set of mental rules, a new internal program. When you combine the two steps, you now have the ability to truly create your own destiny.

Please click the Share button at the top of the page or let me know your thoughts in the comment section below.

Rubber Band Effect

Try this experiment, stick your fingers in a rubber band and then hold your fingers open and hold it as long as possible. You are now exercising Willpower. Eventually you will release the rubber band. Willpower fails every time.

Imagine getting on a scale and seeing that you weigh 30 lbs more than you think you are supposed to weigh. Immediately there is discomfort. This is cognitive dissonance. There is a tension between reality and how we see ourselves that creates discomfort. So we decide to stop eating dessert and start working out. Then the next morning if you are still holding the rubber band open you will get up early, get dressed and go walking or stick an exercise dvd in and do your best to keep up. Unfortunately what happens then is that the next morning we are sore and can no longer hold the rubber band open or we forget altogether about the rubber band and commit to never getting on the scale again. This is the way we tend to deal with cognitive dissonance. Generally we snap back to our default state. Think of a jetliner on autopilot to Miami, sure you can grab the stick and guide it to South Dakota but as soon as you release the controls the autopilot will correct course to Miami. Our subconscious is our autopilot.

We must decide EXACTLY what we want with specificity and repeat and remind ourselves constantly in order to reprogram the autopilot in our brains. We must get on the scale as often as possible to ensure that we are constantly creating cognitive dissonance and tension. We must become comfortable with being uncomfortable. Even now you are feeling uncomfortable as you think about setting specific goals. What will you do? Will you avoid the scale or will you decide that today you will begin reprogramming your autopilot?