So much Drama

The ancient definition of “passion” was “anguish” or “suffering” – which comes from passive reaction to external events.  *Stoics endeavored to transcend passion through apatheia, or peace of mind (literally, “without passion”) to attain eupatheia, which are feelings that result from evolving our reactions.

Are there situations that spark negative emotions in you?  Most of my Facebook friends post often about how situations make them feel (insert negative emotion here).  If you look again at the first sentence - their anguish and suffering come from a passive reaction (victim) to external events. When I read this I recognize that there are many times that I let my mind take me to negative places.  Today, in simple situations I have worked on seeing difficult situations and choosing a neutral mindset.

Another Stoic tenet is that nothing is good or bad and the only thing we control is our perception.  The Stoic idea is that every situation is an opportunity.  I am sure that it will take work but I can see how controlling my perceptions, seeing everything as an opportunity and not good or bad and not allowing myself to being victimized will make me a better man.

*Stoicism is a school of Hellenistic philosophy founded in Athens by Zeno of Citium in the early 3rd century BC. The Stoics taught that destructive emotions resulted from errors in judgment, and that a sage, or person of "moral and intellectual perfection," would not suffer such emotions.

Why is Raylan Givens so cool?

Sometimes I wonder why characters in successful movies and television shows are so attractive and well written.  I think I figured it out.  It is easy to write for a character that is well defined.  I find that my personality and purpose are not so cut and dried.  Anthony Robbins talks about the easiest change being Identity level change.  In a TV character the identity is clear and therefore his decisions are clear whenever presented with ambiguous circumstances.  Our lives are much different.  Most of us have not taken the time to so clearly define who we are, and if we have, often that person changes from situation to situation and depends on our energy, whether we worked out that morning or not or how low our blood sugar is. I suppose that life becomes much easier the more clearly we define what we will and will not accept in our lives.  Inevitably the questions arise but, who am I? What am I supposed to do? What is my passion?  Tucker Max says "you don't find passion, you make passion!"  Choose who you are!  So, how do you do it?   It is actually a lot easier than you think.  Decide the type of person you want to be then prove it to yourself with small wins.  James Clear has many great easily understood and easy to do examples in his blog.  Take a few minutes and read it.  This is the best way I have found to gain some clarity and write a great script for my favorite character, me.  

Being Responsible

I am responsible.  The alternative is to agree that others, that external influences control me.  I am rebellious by nature.  I have figured out a way to avoid wearing my seatbelt.  In my little ways I have taken stances to demonstrate to myself that I am in charge of my life.  I know I know, that is cute and all but what about when you have a car accident?  What about it?   This is not a conversation about the seatbelt this is about choosing.  I choose to be responsible for everything.  I repeat that to myself constantly.  I look at my bank account and I remind myself that I choose to be responsible for everything.  There was a time that I made a lot of money and I was living from hand to mouth.  Now I choose to be responsible and I have a solvent bank account and two savings accounts.  I am responsible for everything that happens to me.  I did some squats and pushups and I pulled a stomach muscle.  I believe it is because I chose to gain back 8 lbs that I had lost.  I am responsible.  I recently had two good deals fall apart.  Deals that would have made these last 3 months much more palatable.  I am responsible.  I could have done better.  This is where the solution is for me. After declaring responsibility only then can I ask my favorite question.  What can I learn from this experience to improve myself?  If I abdicate responsibility and accept that I am a victim to poor prequalification or a meddlesome daughter then I can not ask the golden question that gives me permission to take action.  I am responsible.

Attachment

Being attached means that something outside of our control must occur.   It is a belief that our happiness is subject to external events.  Attachment is ultimate victim hood.   We will only be happy if. . .  In order to reduce my need to control everything I have learned that I must slice my perspective of every one of my desired outcomes into at least two realms.  Things that I can control and things I can't control.   I am certainly less impacted when things don't happen the way I want them to happen if what went wrong was outside of my influence. However, I have found that there is very little outside of my influence and I must be even more responsible and more proactive.   I can be less attached if I have done everything I can and left very little possibility of failure to chance.   This is a daily challenge because taking responsibility for everything is not something I have totally embraced.   I am working on it. I will tell you how in my next entry.  

I don't have anything to talk about

I was thinking through a story that I was going to tell my girlfriend and I realized it was a lament.  I was complaining about some perceived insult or injury or unfairness and my inner champion drew my attention to my self talk.  After much inner debate I decided that I did not want to relate to people based on pointing out how I had been victimized by the universe.  One of the beliefs and credos that I am also working on adopting is that I am 100 per cent responsible for everything that happens to me. If I am complaining constantly about minor inconveniences I am ceding control of my life to forces outside myself.  As I thought through this process I realized that complaining is the manifestation of a contradiction that I don't want to live with anymore.  Today I am choosing not to complain.  This has caused a different problem.  I don't have anything to say.  I didn't call my girlfriend at work today because all I could think of to do was to recite a list of everything that had gone wrong to that point.   She didn't know about my new commitment and when I told her she quickly understood the reason that I was being so quiet.  I am working through it because I believe that there is something good on the other side so I am willing to be quiet until I figure out a way to relate to others in a positive uplifting and personally responsible manner.

Real Estate and the man in the mirror

I am convinced that real estate sales is the greatest arena for self improvement.  If you want to be great you have to decide to be great.  Then you must find an arena to test your ideas, confront your fears and improve your disciplines.  I didn't always feel this way.  In the beginning I took advantage of the fact that I could sell a few houses and make enough money to clothe my children.  However, I hit my ceiling.  Gary Keller has an excellent example in his book The Millionaire Real Estate Agent.  He talks about the Natural Achievement Ceiling.   Natural ability can take us only so far.  No matter how gifted we are we will all eventually hit the ceiling of our natural ability.  I have always been grateful for my natural ability.  Complex systems and tasks are generally pretty easy for me but I hit my ceiling so I adjusted and then hit my ceiling again so I adjusted and hit my ceiling again.  Fortunately for me, even though sometimes I can be a slow learner I eventually learned that I had to figure out how to break through. I had to discipline myself and take on systems and models that were duplicatable.  For a while there I hated real estate as I denied the fact that I would have to change and be a disciplined achiever.  I rejected the idea that my natural ability was not up to the task.  Gratefully I have overcome my ego and I have chosen to apply my natural ability to improving my discipline and systems.  The challenge is invigorating.  I am the foundation to my success in the world therefore I must improve myself first.  That is why I am a member of the 5 am club, I choose to eat by the guidelines of The Primal Blueprint and I constantly look for weakness, lack of discipline and doubt and I attack it.  I am loving my growth and evolution.

I am always reading.  Feel free to contact me for some good book recommendations.

Options are bad

I read an article recently that suggested that in order to accomplish my goals I had to get more disciplined instead of more motivated.  Motivation infers that I need a motive for action.  Discipline is a decision to follow a set of rules and install habits that if done consistently and at a high level will cause me to inevitably arrive at my destination, my goal.  I have discovered however, that if I have an option then I will not be consistent.  An example is that I love getting up early during the week.  So, I am up at 4:50 am on Monday Wednesday and Friday if I am playing racquetball but I sometimes sleep in until 7 or later on Tuesday and Thursday.  Funny thing is that I am usually up by 6 on Saturday and Sunday.  A couple of years ago I learned the concept of the black and white rule.  Another name for it is the All or Nothing rule.  So, in the case of wakeup time, the new rule is I always wake up at 4:50 am.  There is never a reason or excuse that will allow me to sleep later.   The option is what makes me ineffective.  I always exercise, never an option not to exercise.  I always eat primally, never an option to eat junk.  Giving myself the option, I have learned after my short experience on this planet only gives me an out.  It gives me just enough rope to hang myself.  I remember having a rule that I exercised three days a week.  Then I would let my self off the hook if I missed one day, then I remember missing weeks and telling myself that I would start again next week.  I am sure that I am the only one that has done that.  Well now the black and white rule is that I exercise everyday.  My body requires it, I feel better after I do it and I don't always sprint five blocks but I am active and I am feel better.  Black and white rules eliminate options.  Options are bad for self growth, weight loss, health, sales and relationships.