I don't always have a short attention span but when I do . .

There is so much information available to us these days.  Last year I set goals to learn to play the piano, learn Japanese, learn a martial art, flip houses, read a bunch of books and so many other things.  I was able and willing to set these goals all the while working and committing to be better and better at my job because there is so much free information.  The internet has made so many subjects available and transparent.  Just today I read an article that Harvard had made their online software coding classes free.  My first thought was, "I want to learn to code from Harvard!"

However, there is a cost.  Free information is not free.  The cost is our attention.  I am an avid reader, I read about 40 blogs, I read 45 books last year and I read the news, Wikipedia, links from my Facebook and Twitter feeds, book reviews, product reviews and just about anything else I can get my hands on.  The effect that this distraction has on me is that I have a very short attention span.  I am constantly looking for something else to read and learn.  That resulted in goals that were not accomplished.  I learned a little bit of this and a little bit of that but not a whole lot of any one thing.  I essentially poked all of my goals with a stick.  Not a productive way to go through the day.
Today I am making a new commitment.  I will only have 3 major goals this year.  One business goal, one personal goal and one health goal.  I will be more committed to process and systems and use my attention and focus to make sure that I take the daily steps that are required to accomplish each of my goals.  This is the way that I will increase my attention span and strengthen my ability to focus.

How has the internet and unlimited free information affected you?  

How many people? Dunbar's number

Robin Dunbar is an evolutionary anthropologist.  He has famously suggested that there is a limited amount of people with whom we can maintain meaningful relationships.  Dunbar's number is right around 150.  He arrived at this conclusion after over 15 years of surveying successful group sizes throughout history, from primates to Roman platoons to successful Fortune 500 companies.   Recently I have heard it suggested that some of those spots can be held by celebrities or politicians.  For example, if you watch Oprah on a daily basis then Oprah may be taking up one of the valuable and limited spots in your top 150.  This creates many questions in my mind that I want to share.

Who is in my 150?
Are they there by my choice or are they there by default?
Who do I add in order to improve my group?
Who do I drop in order to improve my 150?

Being conscious of who is in our 150 is is vital.  Environment is stronger than will.  Studies have shown that people with obese friends quickly gain weight and will eventually become obese.  

Be careful who you allow to take up the few spots you have available.  

I lied

Moral dilemma of the day.  I received a call from an agent that I know works with investors, early this morning.  He invited me to breakfast. This was out of the blue and very unexpected. First thought I had was that he was recruiting for the next best multilevel marketing program to hit the World.  Guaranteed to make me a millionaire faster than all the others.  So,  I asked "is this Amway?" He said no way this was a meeting about learning how to work with investments.  Well since we are out of bacon at home I decided that I would accept his invitation.  I arrived late to the breakfast meeting and asked about the real estate meeting.  The hostess hiccuped and pointed me to a meeting room that had large banners with the words Dream Vacations in 12 inch letters.  I l looked through the window in the wall and spotted the agent that invited me.   I knew right away that I had been misled. 

Here is where my moral dilemma comes in.  I told the agent that I had just learned of a real estate emergency and I had to leave immediately.   Since then I have tried to rationalize that it is OK for me to lie to him since he lied to me.  It's not working.

This is where your I ask for your input.  Do I call him and tell him I lied? I don't anticipate an ongoing relationship with this guy.  I don't feel good about not addressing this.  But how do you tell someone that you lied because they lied? 

So much Drama

The ancient definition of “passion” was “anguish” or “suffering” – which comes from passive reaction to external events.  *Stoics endeavored to transcend passion through apatheia, or peace of mind (literally, “without passion”) to attain eupatheia, which are feelings that result from evolving our reactions.

Are there situations that spark negative emotions in you?  Most of my Facebook friends post often about how situations make them feel (insert negative emotion here).  If you look again at the first sentence - their anguish and suffering come from a passive reaction (victim) to external events. When I read this I recognize that there are many times that I let my mind take me to negative places.  Today, in simple situations I have worked on seeing difficult situations and choosing a neutral mindset.

Another Stoic tenet is that nothing is good or bad and the only thing we control is our perception.  The Stoic idea is that every situation is an opportunity.  I am sure that it will take work but I can see how controlling my perceptions, seeing everything as an opportunity and not good or bad and not allowing myself to being victimized will make me a better man.

*Stoicism is a school of Hellenistic philosophy founded in Athens by Zeno of Citium in the early 3rd century BC. The Stoics taught that destructive emotions resulted from errors in judgment, and that a sage, or person of "moral and intellectual perfection," would not suffer such emotions.

Why is Raylan Givens so cool?

Sometimes I wonder why characters in successful movies and television shows are so attractive and well written.  I think I figured it out.  It is easy to write for a character that is well defined.  I find that my personality and purpose are not so cut and dried.  Anthony Robbins talks about the easiest change being Identity level change.  In a TV character the identity is clear and therefore his decisions are clear whenever presented with ambiguous circumstances.  Our lives are much different.  Most of us have not taken the time to so clearly define who we are, and if we have, often that person changes from situation to situation and depends on our energy, whether we worked out that morning or not or how low our blood sugar is. I suppose that life becomes much easier the more clearly we define what we will and will not accept in our lives.  Inevitably the questions arise but, who am I? What am I supposed to do? What is my passion?  Tucker Max says "you don't find passion, you make passion!"  Choose who you are!  So, how do you do it?   It is actually a lot easier than you think.  Decide the type of person you want to be then prove it to yourself with small wins.  James Clear has many great easily understood and easy to do examples in his blog.  Take a few minutes and read it.  This is the best way I have found to gain some clarity and write a great script for my favorite character, me.  

Being Responsible

I am responsible.  The alternative is to agree that others, that external influences control me.  I am rebellious by nature.  I have figured out a way to avoid wearing my seatbelt.  In my little ways I have taken stances to demonstrate to myself that I am in charge of my life.  I know I know, that is cute and all but what about when you have a car accident?  What about it?   This is not a conversation about the seatbelt this is about choosing.  I choose to be responsible for everything.  I repeat that to myself constantly.  I look at my bank account and I remind myself that I choose to be responsible for everything.  There was a time that I made a lot of money and I was living from hand to mouth.  Now I choose to be responsible and I have a solvent bank account and two savings accounts.  I am responsible for everything that happens to me.  I did some squats and pushups and I pulled a stomach muscle.  I believe it is because I chose to gain back 8 lbs that I had lost.  I am responsible.  I recently had two good deals fall apart.  Deals that would have made these last 3 months much more palatable.  I am responsible.  I could have done better.  This is where the solution is for me. After declaring responsibility only then can I ask my favorite question.  What can I learn from this experience to improve myself?  If I abdicate responsibility and accept that I am a victim to poor prequalification or a meddlesome daughter then I can not ask the golden question that gives me permission to take action.  I am responsible.

Attachment

Being attached means that something outside of our control must occur.   It is a belief that our happiness is subject to external events.  Attachment is ultimate victim hood.   We will only be happy if. . .  In order to reduce my need to control everything I have learned that I must slice my perspective of every one of my desired outcomes into at least two realms.  Things that I can control and things I can't control.   I am certainly less impacted when things don't happen the way I want them to happen if what went wrong was outside of my influence. However, I have found that there is very little outside of my influence and I must be even more responsible and more proactive.   I can be less attached if I have done everything I can and left very little possibility of failure to chance.   This is a daily challenge because taking responsibility for everything is not something I have totally embraced.   I am working on it. I will tell you how in my next entry.