Who should I listen to?

I know the title is not grammatically correct but I hear myself saying this from time to time.  There are so many people that easily and freely give advice.  For the most part I believe that they have good intentions. However, I also believe that there are those that reflexively impart their "wisdom" in self defense.  Not because they are threatened but because their sense of self or self esteem is threatened.  There are occasions when I have  caught myself solving other people's issues and my desired result was that their behavior would have less impact on me.  I have counseled my children so that their lives would look more like I wanted. With love of course but it is easy now for me to see that their growth, decisions and learning are their own.  My meddling can only hurt.  I remember listening to speakers live and recorded telling me not to take advice from anyone.  More specifically, not to take advice from someone that would not benefit from my growth. 

Who should I listen to?  Another problem I run into is that I actually give more weight to advice that sounds like something I would say.  I don't have to tell you, that's not going to help. 

My conclusion is that my objective must be as clear and well defined as possible.  I must listen to the highest version of myself and avoid the whisperings of those that are unwilling to rise to the highest levels.  I am committed to becoming the best version of myself. 

Am I really accountable?

I love real estate.  Not because I love driving buyers around to see houses.  Not because I love knowing exactly what home buyers are going to buy and having to show 20 homes before they self discover what I knew from the beginning.  Not because I love telling sellers that their home is not worth what they think it is.  Not because I love helping sellers self discover that the only offer they have received in four months is a good reflection of what the market will pay.  I love real estate because it is the ultimate self development course.  I love knowing that if I am going to be successful in sales I must overcome all kinds of mental drunk monkey dooka and embrace discipline and accountability.  I love knowing that all of my success depends on me.  Here is the problem.  I have made what I consider to be great and difficult changes in my life to become better.  Most of you who know me will at least agree that I am willing to change.  However, this last week I met with a friend that has 4, yes FOUR layers of accountability to make sure she accomplishes her goals.  I thought I was committed.  I see now where I need to grow.  I am grateful for good examples and I am grateful for Real Estate. 

The right side of the menu

In 2012 I am committed to deciding what I want by looking at the left side of the menu. I know that I am probably the only one that looks at the right side of the menu and after I find a price that I am willing to pay, I check to see what I will be having for lunch. This does not just apply to eating at restaurants. This also applies to larger decisions about weed eaters and floor tile and shelving units and cars and fixer upper houses and everything.

Looking at the right side of the menu means I lack of confidence. It suggests that I want something but I don't believe that I can stretch and grow enough to earn what I want and therefore I am limited by what I have. Looking at the right side of the menu means I believe there is not enough. I only have this much and I can't get more so I need to get the biggest bang for my buck. Looking at the right side of the menu is the ultimate in instant gratification mindset. I have this much in my pocket so I will buy now rather than save and buy what I want later.

Looking at the left side of the menu means I feel good about myself. I deserve the best not the most affordable. Looking at the left side of the menu means I believe in myself. I can get what I want when I want it because I know I can get it when I want it. Looking at the left side of the menu means that I create my life the way I want it and I am not subject to my self imposed limitations. I am eager to enjoy 2012.

Leadership 101

Stephen R. Covey says “leadership is communicating to people their worth and potential so clearly that they come to see it in themselves.”  I love this definition.  I love the idea of having the communication skills to be able to help someone see their potential.  While thinking about this it occurred to me that I must learn these skills because I could truly help my children.  Further contemplation brought me to the conclusion to which you have already arrived.  It is imperative that I see and believe my own worth and potential. With that knowledge and confidence I will take massive action to achieve my goals. I am a Leader.

Synthesizing Happiness

The perception of having a choice interferes with happiness.

Nice guys aren't.

A "nice guy" is a person that believes that if he is good enough he will get his needs met, everybody will like him and approve of him and he will live a smooth problem free life. I recently read a book called No More Mr. Nice Guy and the author, Dr. Glover explained why being a "nice guy" is not a good thing. According to the author we learn as children to be good and we will get our needs met and we carry that belief into adulthood.

This does not translate well into adulthood because the adult then tries to manage outcomes by being good. This is dishonest and manipulative. In every situation the "inner child" wants to be good enough and approved of in order to have a problem free life so he is willing to be dishonest. Modifying the truth is done through outright lying or by just omitting certain pertinent facts of a story in an attempt to make sure everyone is happy and likes us. I learned from the author that children lie because they are not powerful and in order to level the playing field they lie and because of childish "magical thinking" the child believes the adult will not find out.

One other thing I learned from this book is that our attempts to manage outcomes create a lot of anxiety. This anxiety is a manifestation of an internal conversation we are having due to seemingly unmanageable situations. The internal mantra or conversation is "I can't handle this". When you are anxious listen to your thoughts, I believe you will hear yourself saying that you can not handle the negative outcome of the present situation. The author suggests we adopt a new mantra. Whenever you feel anxious you choose the thought "I can handle it!" Because we can. This helps us be more authentic and to remain honest because we know that we can handle any outcome from telling the truth. I have a long way to go but I am less anxious because I have a better understanding of my internal conversation.

Warriors Guide

I read an article today in The Art of Manliness blog. It is called The Warriors Guide to True Manliness and it identifies several ideas that resonated deeply with me. The first is that within every man lives an intact warrior instinct that waits to be awoken and to drive men to greatness. Warriors throughout time have been driven by survival instinct and fear of death. Men must contend with survival of the fittest daily. A quote from the blog is: "Without this fundamental understanding about life's impermanence and an obligation to achieve greatness we become complacent and unmotivated in life."

The first step to living life like a warrior is to Master your Body. We can understand the physical benefits of being in shape but the mental discipline of overcoming laziness and physical pain brings even greater benefits in my opinion and is essential to the Warrior lifestyle.

The most impactful concept for me was to Use Death as your Guide. If we kept in mind that we could die at any moment, would we sit around doing anything that did not make an impact. Video games, watching inane television, commiserating and perseverating on the difficulties in life all come to mind as incredible misuse of the limited time we have here.

Choose your Path with your Heart. If it is true that all paths lead to the same place, Death, then choose the one that makes you happy in the moment. Choosing a path that will eventually make you happy and with Death knocking on your door is incongruent and wasteful.

Fight Every Battle as if it is your Last. With Death as my Guide I will live more completely and in the present moment. Fighting every battle as if it is my last will push me to greatness.