Thursday, November 19, 2009

Incongruent Behavior

Saying one thing and doing another is incongruent behavior. This morning I got on my scale in order to create tension between current reality and my goal. I noticed the scale jumped to 220 lbs. My goal is 200 and fit. Good - tension created. I then realized that I had gotten on the scale yesterday and the result was pretty much the same. However, instead of working out and eating better I ate a piece of cake before I went to bed. That is what you call an obvious incongruency.

This morning I was on the phone making phone calls to For Sale By Owners and another agent verbalized a thought that I was already thinking. FSBO's are mean nasty and rude. My next call the person that answered was not mean nasty or rude but I was already out of rapport with my goal of setting an appointment so I let the seller convince me that I could not help her. Incongruence is a demonstration of our lack of belief. We say we want something but then do not marshal our personal power and act congruently to achieve our goals. We do not believe that we can achieve what we set out to do. What actions, attitudes and beliefs are necessary to take congruent action consistently? I wish I had an answer. We want to be one person but then act in direct contradiction to our stated purpose.

I said that I wanted to prospect consistently and on a schedule but for the last week I have not made it into the office on time and arrived at my prospecting station after 9:00 am. A stated purpose or goal and incongruent actions that lead to opposite results. Joe Stumph, who I consider to be an incredible trainer and coach, tells us that we must make our goal more important and more real than our current reality. I believe that we must eliminate options. What ideas do you have to help me make on time prospecting with a purpose a must and not a should or optional?

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Personal Responsibility

Am I taking personal responsibility for everything in my life? For most people this is a tough question to read much less answer. Everything? What about that driver on the way into the office or the economy or the mortgage companies? I had a tough time sleeping last night, I was concerned about a real estate transaction and I ate 7-11 hotdogs for dinner. It was not my fault.

The problem with not taking personal responsibility for EVERYTHING in our lives is that then we must admit that we are being acted upon. We must admit that we are victims! We do not have control over our circumstances and if we do not have control in one situation what evidence do we have that we have control in any situation. If we continue to view our circumstances with the attitude "I didn't create this, it's not my fault," in effect, we are saying, "I'm not in control of my life." As soon as you say, "I create it all, the good, the bad, and the ugly," you take control of your life!

If you are ready the two simple steps to TAKING CONTROL of your life are:

1. Take 100% responsibility for your current reality, regardless how blissful or how dismal.

2. Become 100% responsible for changing your current reality: "If it's going to be, it's up to me." Examine these 2 steps. Neither of them require any physical work on your part; there is no "doing." They are simply paradigm shifts; they both simply require a change in attitude, a new set of mental rules, a new internal program. When you combine the two steps, you now have the ability to truly create your own destiny.

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Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Rubber Band Effect

Try this experiment, stick your fingers in a rubber band and then hold your fingers open and hold it as long as possible. You are now exercising Willpower. Eventually you will release the rubber band. Willpower fails every time.

Imagine getting on a scale and seeing that you weigh 30 lbs more than you think you are supposed to weigh. Immediately there is discomfort. This is cognitive dissonance. There is a tension between reality and how we see ourselves that creates discomfort. So we decide to stop eating dessert and start working out. Then the next morning if you are still holding the rubber band open you will get up early, get dressed and go walking or stick an exercise dvd in and do your best to keep up. Unfortunately what happens then is that the next morning we are sore and can no longer hold the rubber band open or we forget altogether about the rubber band and commit to never getting on the scale again. This is the way we tend to deal with cognitive dissonance. Generally we snap back to our default state. Think of a jetliner on autopilot to Miami, sure you can grab the stick and guide it to South Dakota but as soon as you release the controls the autopilot will correct course to Miami. Our subconscious is our autopilot.

We must decide EXACTLY what we want with specificity and repeat and remind ourselves constantly in order to reprogram the autopilot in our brains. We must get on the scale as often as possible to ensure that we are constantly creating cognitive dissonance and tension. We must become comfortable with being uncomfortable. Even now you are feeling uncomfortable as you think about setting specific goals. What will you do? Will you avoid the scale or will you decide that today you will begin reprogramming your autopilot?

Monday, November 16, 2009

Take advantage of Performance Multipliers.

A coach that I listened to said that if you want to be truly great you must either change the people around you OR change the people around you. I read Talent is Overrated this weekend and the author says that the truly great achievers took advantage of performance multipliers. Most great achievers started as reluctant performers that were coerced to take lessons and practice and initially experienced skills growth and were promoted to better teachers, coaches or classes. This continued until the future superstar realized that if they were going to be able to keep performing at the level of their class they would have to practice more and become better at their sport or instrument. A good piano player in a small town moves to a college with several good piano players and must step up his skills just to keep up. Eventually the piano player becomes truly great. The number one performance multiplier is the people with whom you surround yourself. Anthony Robbins tells us that our lives are a direct reflection of the expectations of our peer group. Who you spend time with is who you become.