Being Responsible

I am responsible.  The alternative is to agree that others, that external influences control me.  I am rebellious by nature.  I have figured out a way to avoid wearing my seatbelt.  In my little ways I have taken stances to demonstrate to myself that I am in charge of my life.  I know I know, that is cute and all but what about when you have a car accident?  What about it?   This is not a conversation about the seatbelt this is about choosing.  I choose to be responsible for everything.  I repeat that to myself constantly.  I look at my bank account and I remind myself that I choose to be responsible for everything.  There was a time that I made a lot of money and I was living from hand to mouth.  Now I choose to be responsible and I have a solvent bank account and two savings accounts.  I am responsible for everything that happens to me.  I did some squats and pushups and I pulled a stomach muscle.  I believe it is because I chose to gain back 8 lbs that I had lost.  I am responsible.  I recently had two good deals fall apart.  Deals that would have made these last 3 months much more palatable.  I am responsible.  I could have done better.  This is where the solution is for me. After declaring responsibility only then can I ask my favorite question.  What can I learn from this experience to improve myself?  If I abdicate responsibility and accept that I am a victim to poor prequalification or a meddlesome daughter then I can not ask the golden question that gives me permission to take action.  I am responsible.

Attachment

Being attached means that something outside of our control must occur.   It is a belief that our happiness is subject to external events.  Attachment is ultimate victim hood.   We will only be happy if. . .  In order to reduce my need to control everything I have learned that I must slice my perspective of every one of my desired outcomes into at least two realms.  Things that I can control and things I can't control.   I am certainly less impacted when things don't happen the way I want them to happen if what went wrong was outside of my influence. However, I have found that there is very little outside of my influence and I must be even more responsible and more proactive.   I can be less attached if I have done everything I can and left very little possibility of failure to chance.   This is a daily challenge because taking responsibility for everything is not something I have totally embraced.   I am working on it. I will tell you how in my next entry.  

I don't have anything to talk about

I was thinking through a story that I was going to tell my girlfriend and I realized it was a lament.  I was complaining about some perceived insult or injury or unfairness and my inner champion drew my attention to my self talk.  After much inner debate I decided that I did not want to relate to people based on pointing out how I had been victimized by the universe.  One of the beliefs and credos that I am also working on adopting is that I am 100 per cent responsible for everything that happens to me. If I am complaining constantly about minor inconveniences I am ceding control of my life to forces outside myself.  As I thought through this process I realized that complaining is the manifestation of a contradiction that I don't want to live with anymore.  Today I am choosing not to complain.  This has caused a different problem.  I don't have anything to say.  I didn't call my girlfriend at work today because all I could think of to do was to recite a list of everything that had gone wrong to that point.   She didn't know about my new commitment and when I told her she quickly understood the reason that I was being so quiet.  I am working through it because I believe that there is something good on the other side so I am willing to be quiet until I figure out a way to relate to others in a positive uplifting and personally responsible manner.

Real Estate and the man in the mirror

I am convinced that real estate sales is the greatest arena for self improvement.  If you want to be great you have to decide to be great.  Then you must find an arena to test your ideas, confront your fears and improve your disciplines.  I didn't always feel this way.  In the beginning I took advantage of the fact that I could sell a few houses and make enough money to clothe my children.  However, I hit my ceiling.  Gary Keller has an excellent example in his book The Millionaire Real Estate Agent.  He talks about the Natural Achievement Ceiling.   Natural ability can take us only so far.  No matter how gifted we are we will all eventually hit the ceiling of our natural ability.  I have always been grateful for my natural ability.  Complex systems and tasks are generally pretty easy for me but I hit my ceiling so I adjusted and then hit my ceiling again so I adjusted and hit my ceiling again.  Fortunately for me, even though sometimes I can be a slow learner I eventually learned that I had to figure out how to break through. I had to discipline myself and take on systems and models that were duplicatable.  For a while there I hated real estate as I denied the fact that I would have to change and be a disciplined achiever.  I rejected the idea that my natural ability was not up to the task.  Gratefully I have overcome my ego and I have chosen to apply my natural ability to improving my discipline and systems.  The challenge is invigorating.  I am the foundation to my success in the world therefore I must improve myself first.  That is why I am a member of the 5 am club, I choose to eat by the guidelines of The Primal Blueprint and I constantly look for weakness, lack of discipline and doubt and I attack it.  I am loving my growth and evolution.

I am always reading.  Feel free to contact me for some good book recommendations.

Options are bad

I read an article recently that suggested that in order to accomplish my goals I had to get more disciplined instead of more motivated.  Motivation infers that I need a motive for action.  Discipline is a decision to follow a set of rules and install habits that if done consistently and at a high level will cause me to inevitably arrive at my destination, my goal.  I have discovered however, that if I have an option then I will not be consistent.  An example is that I love getting up early during the week.  So, I am up at 4:50 am on Monday Wednesday and Friday if I am playing racquetball but I sometimes sleep in until 7 or later on Tuesday and Thursday.  Funny thing is that I am usually up by 6 on Saturday and Sunday.  A couple of years ago I learned the concept of the black and white rule.  Another name for it is the All or Nothing rule.  So, in the case of wakeup time, the new rule is I always wake up at 4:50 am.  There is never a reason or excuse that will allow me to sleep later.   The option is what makes me ineffective.  I always exercise, never an option not to exercise.  I always eat primally, never an option to eat junk.  Giving myself the option, I have learned after my short experience on this planet only gives me an out.  It gives me just enough rope to hang myself.  I remember having a rule that I exercised three days a week.  Then I would let my self off the hook if I missed one day, then I remember missing weeks and telling myself that I would start again next week.  I am sure that I am the only one that has done that.  Well now the black and white rule is that I exercise everyday.  My body requires it, I feel better after I do it and I don't always sprint five blocks but I am active and I am feel better.  Black and white rules eliminate options.  Options are bad for self growth, weight loss, health, sales and relationships.

Am I really accountable?

I love real estate.  Not because I love driving buyers around to see houses.  Not because I love knowing exactly what home buyers are going to buy and having to show 20 homes before they self discover what I knew from the beginning.  Not because I love telling sellers that their home is not worth what they think it is.  Not because I love helping sellers self discover that the only offer they have received in four months is a good reflection of what the market will pay.  I love real estate because it is the ultimate self development course.  I love knowing that if I am going to be successful in sales I must overcome all kinds of mental drunk monkey dooka and embrace discipline and accountability.  I love knowing that all of my success depends on me.  Here is the problem.  I have made what I consider to be great and difficult changes in my life to become better.  Most of you who know me will at least agree that I am willing to change.  However, this last week I met with a friend that has 4, yes FOUR layers of accountability to make sure she accomplishes her goals.  I thought I was committed.  I see now where I need to grow.  I am grateful for good examples and I am grateful for Real Estate. 

Warriors Guide

I read an article today in The Art of Manliness blog. It is called The Warriors Guide to True Manliness and it identifies several ideas that resonated deeply with me. The first is that within every man lives an intact warrior instinct that waits to be awoken and to drive men to greatness. Warriors throughout time have been driven by survival instinct and fear of death. Men must contend with survival of the fittest daily. A quote from the blog is: "Without this fundamental understanding about life's impermanence and an obligation to achieve greatness we become complacent and unmotivated in life."

The first step to living life like a warrior is to Master your Body. We can understand the physical benefits of being in shape but the mental discipline of overcoming laziness and physical pain brings even greater benefits in my opinion and is essential to the Warrior lifestyle.

The most impactful concept for me was to Use Death as your Guide. If we kept in mind that we could die at any moment, would we sit around doing anything that did not make an impact. Video games, watching inane television, commiserating and perseverating on the difficulties in life all come to mind as incredible misuse of the limited time we have here.

Choose your Path with your Heart. If it is true that all paths lead to the same place, Death, then choose the one that makes you happy in the moment. Choosing a path that will eventually make you happy and with Death knocking on your door is incongruent and wasteful.

Fight Every Battle as if it is your Last. With Death as my Guide I will live more completely and in the present moment. Fighting every battle as if it is my last will push me to greatness.

William Bustos - Getting Started in Real Estate

Focus - Charlotte Thomas

Charlotte took a few minutes to talk about the advice she would give to top producing agent. I was surprised and happy to hear that there were no secrets.

"Being Realistic" is the most commonly traveled road to mediocrity. Will Smith

The Problem with Goal Setting

Goal setting has always been a problem for me. In trying to overcome this problem, I have read and reread books such as Psycho Cybernetics, Think and Grow Rich, The Magic of Thinking Big, Awaken the Giant Within and many more. I have listened to coaches and trainers guide me through goal setting sessions but the strategies have never actually stuck. Don’t get me wrong, I have accomplished many things in my life and in my business, but not one of my accomplishments will I attribute to the kind of goal setting that I have read and learned about.

My problem with traditional goal setting is that after a few days the enthusiasm fades and the goal sheet ends up in a bedside table. I realize that I lose focus and I forget what I want and how badly I want it. I will set a goal for a new car and then I will get distracted and stop working towards earning more money. This being the end of the year I have an instinct that I must set goals and move towards accomplishing them. I do not want to repeat what I have done in previous years and read my goals for a couple of weeks and then put them away and forget about them. I want to set goals and follow through the entire year so I can look back at the end of the year and be proud of myself. I have learned a principle that I think will help.

1. Dissatisfaction is my greatest ally and will get me into action.

Today I want to talk about how I plan on setting my goals. One night about a week ago I was laying in bed thinking about goal setting. It occurred to me that dissatisfaction is caused by comparing ourselves to the ideal. In other words, I feel bad when I think of the best basketball player or chess player or Realtor because I know that I am capable but I am not making my best effort to achieve those end results. Dissatisfaction grows when we compare to the ideal; the Ideal Realtor or the Ideal Father, etc. An interesting thing happens in our brain when we are uncomfortable. We either look at the thing that is making us uncomfortable and attack it to eliminate the discomfort or we look away. What determines which response we have? We take action when we feel that we can control and eliminate the discomfort. We avoid and ignore dealing with the subject when we do not have faith in our ability to overcome the obstacle. For too long I have been avoiding doing the things that will make me happy because of some perceived pain or lack of control. This is generally referred to as a “victim mentality.” It is an unspoken belief that forces such as the weather, traffic circumstances or other external factors are acting on me. I then realized that I already have the ideal picture in my head of who I am and what an Ideal Realtor looks like. As I came to grips with this concept of understanding the Ideal I decided to focus on it and quantify it.

The Ideal Realtor:
Prospecting Habit
Presentation Practice Habit
Phone Scripts
8x8
33 touch
12 direct
Systems for marketing
Client Care Systems
Lead Generation systems
Lead Follow up systems
SOI Growing systems

I noticed that as I focused on the ideal the words came out almost too fast to write down. We already have the ideal image in our head of who we can become. We already know the components that make up this Ideal person. But we have created a scotoma that helps us avoid looking at our Ideal. There are many other characteristics and habits that can be added to quantify the Ideal Realtor. And every one of the systems has more detail that can be added.

One of the things I have learned from all of my reading and studying is that clarity is power. The more clarity I have about a specific system or process the easier it is for me to implement and to remember. A collateral benefit to adding clarity to the ideal is that it intensifies my dissatisfaction with my current state. Intense dissatisfaction is what makes me take action.

It then occurred to me that I could have intense dissatisfaction about many different situations. What does my ideal kitchen look like? What does my ideal healthy state include? How about an ideal relationship? Is it possible that I could create an ideal state of cleanliness that forces me to take action and finally clean out the garage?

My goal setting, therefore, is to verbalize and quantify the ideal pictures that I already have in my head adding detail and clarity so that I am motivated every time I read them to take immediate action.

Incongruent Behavior

Saying one thing and doing another is incongruent behavior. This morning I got on my scale in order to create tension between current reality and my goal. I noticed the scale jumped to 220 lbs. My goal is 200 and fit. Good - tension created. I then realized that I had gotten on the scale yesterday and the result was pretty much the same. However, instead of working out and eating better I ate a piece of cake before I went to bed. That is what you call an obvious incongruency.

This morning I was on the phone making phone calls to For Sale By Owners and another agent verbalized a thought that I was already thinking. FSBO's are mean nasty and rude. My next call the person that answered was not mean nasty or rude but I was already out of rapport with my goal of setting an appointment so I let the seller convince me that I could not help her. Incongruence is a demonstration of our lack of belief. We say we want something but then do not marshal our personal power and act congruently to achieve our goals. We do not believe that we can achieve what we set out to do. What actions, attitudes and beliefs are necessary to take congruent action consistently? I wish I had an answer. We want to be one person but then act in direct contradiction to our stated purpose.

I said that I wanted to prospect consistently and on a schedule but for the last week I have not made it into the office on time and arrived at my prospecting station after 9:00 am. A stated purpose or goal and incongruent actions that lead to opposite results. Joe Stumph, who I consider to be an incredible trainer and coach, tells us that we must make our goal more important and more real than our current reality. I believe that we must eliminate options. What ideas do you have to help me make on time prospecting with a purpose a must and not a should or optional?

How to Overcome Resistance

What could you accomplish?

Round ,1P90X Results Rolando Gill

The Greatest Value of Discipline

Here is the greatest value of discipline: self-worth, also known as self-esteem. Many people who are teaching self-esteem these days don't connect it to discipline. But once we sense the least lack of discipline within ourselves, it starts to erode our psyche. One of the greatest temptations is to just ease up a little bit. Instead of doing your best, you allow yourself to do just a little less than your best. Sure enough, you've started in the slightest way to decrease your sense of self-worth. I made a commitment to myself that I would get up everyday at 5:00 am. I did this for a couple of weeks and I felt great, I was able to workout and read and journal. Then I allowed myself to hit the snooze button just once and then I would get up. This went on for about a month. All the time I was justifying that no one else was getting up that early so if I was 9 minutes late it would not matter. Then for the past 2 weeks I have been hitting the snooze bar twice and sometimes three times in the morning. Sure I still was up early and doing my workout but I have felt a degradation in my sense of self worth. I spend more time justifying and convincing myself that I am still working hard.

There is a problem with even a little bit of neglect. Neglect starts an infection. If you don't take care of it, it becomes a disease. And one neglect leads to another. Worst of all, when neglect starts, it diminishes our self-worth.

How can you regain your self-respect? Start with the smallest discipline that corresponds to your own philosophy. I created a morning ritual that has changed my life. I highly recommend it. Make the commitment. "I will discipline myself to achieve my goals so that in the years ahead I can celebrate my successes." Thank you Jim Rohn.

For my daughters

It is important to know that Discipline equals Freedom. Most of us say that we want more money, but what we really want is the freedom that money provides. Same with fitness we say we want to be fit but what we really want is the freedom that fitness gives us. So, if our underlying desire is for Freedom then we reject what we perceive limits our freedom. Discipline is what most people perceive to limit freedom. It is important that you understand that distinction. If you discipline yourself to get fit then you have more freedom in what to wear and what activities to participate in, and your self esteem grows which makes it easier to be more disciplined.

Now lets take it a step further. If I want more money then I must be disciplined and many tell me that I must cold call. Cold calling is a very painful way of doing business. I would much rather talk to my friends and past clients and get business that way. So, if you decide to be disciplined you want to enhance the activities that you already do or have fun at. It is like a seed. If you drop a seed on concrete then it will be very difficult for that seed to grow. Cold calling for me is concrete. If you plant a seed in rich soil and water it every day it is easier for that seed to grow. If I call my friends and past clients every day and help them then they will help me to grow. My friends and past clients are my rich soil. You must create an environment where success is a natural consequence.

I have set my alarm clock at 5:25 am and I have it far away from my bed. So that I have to get up to turn it off. That is an environmental change that helps me be successful. I have scheduled the things that I WANT to do in my calendar and I have my phone remind me of those appointments. That is a method I use to help me create the environment I want to help me be successful. It is so important to know that Willpower fails EVERYTIME. No one has the energy to sustain willpower over time. Think about this. If I decided to stop overeating but I was always going out with my friends that over ate and were always at Carl’s Jr. My willpower might carry me for a little while until I ate one fry then it would be a downhill slide from there. Your environment and your friends are the best help you can have to become more disciplined and more successful. Look at the food in your refrigerator. That is your environment.

Discipline is easily achieved if you plan it out in advance. Like pushing the alarm clock away so that you have to get up and then deciding that when it goes off that you will get up. Create the environment where success is natural and it will be. Choose friends that are in shape or have a huge savings or get things done. It will be uncomfortable at first but you will begin to change just to fit in, and your life will improve.

Self Esteem

The definition of self esteem is a confidence and satisfaction in oneself. It is evident that if we have good self esteem then we will achieve goals because we believe that we deserve them. But, what if you are not setting big goals or you are not truly chasing them. How do I improve my self esteem?

Perseverance is the real life expression of Self Discipline.

When we persevere in a task or exercise or diet then we feel better about ourselves.

Feeling better about ourselves equals increased confidence and satisfaction in oneself.

Increased self esteem then leads to a belief that we deserve more. If we believe we deserve more then we will discipline ourselves to persevere through another task or plan or diet.

Self Discipline leads to Perseverance that leads to increased Self Esteem that leads to increased self discipline.