The perception of having a choice interferes with happiness.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
A "nice guy" is a person that believes that if he is good enough he will get his needs met, everybody will like him and approve of him and he will live a smooth problem free life. I recently read a book called No More Mr. Nice Guy and the author, Dr. Glover explained why being a "nice guy" is not a good thing. According to the author we learn as children to be good and we will get our needs met and we carry that belief into adulthood.
This does not translate well into adulthood because the adult then tries to manage outcomes by being good. This is dishonest and manipulative. In every situation the "inner child" wants to be good enough and approved of in order to have a problem free life so he is willing to be dishonest. Modifying the truth is done through outright lying or by just omitting certain pertinent facts of a story in an attempt to make sure everyone is happy and likes us. I learned from the author that children lie because they are not powerful and in order to level the playing field they lie and because of childish "magical thinking" the child believes the adult will not find out.
One other thing I learned from this book is that our attempts to manage outcomes create a lot of anxiety. This anxiety is a manifestation of an internal conversation we are having due to seemingly unmanageable situations. The internal mantra or conversation is "I can't handle this". When you are anxious listen to your thoughts, I believe you will hear yourself saying that you can not handle the negative outcome of the present situation. The author suggests we adopt a new mantra. Whenever you feel anxious you choose the thought "I can handle it!" Because we can. This helps us be more authentic and to remain honest because we know that we can handle any outcome from telling the truth. I have a long way to go but I am less anxious because I have a better understanding of my internal conversation.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
I read an article today in The Art of Manliness blog. It is called The Warriors Guide to True Manliness and it identifies several ideas that resonated deeply with me. The first is that within every man lives an intact warrior instinct that waits to be awoken and to drive men to greatness. Warriors throughout time have been driven by survival instinct and fear of death. Men must contend with survival of the fittest daily. A quote from the blog is: "Without this fundamental understanding about life's impermanence and an obligation to achieve greatness we become complacent and unmotivated in life."
The first step to living life like a warrior is to Master your Body. We can understand the physical benefits of being in shape but the mental discipline of overcoming laziness and physical pain brings even greater benefits in my opinion and is essential to the Warrior lifestyle.
The most impactful concept for me was to Use Death as your Guide. If we kept in mind that we could die at any moment, would we sit around doing anything that did not make an impact. Video games, watching inane television, commiserating and perseverating on the difficulties in life all come to mind as incredible misuse of the limited time we have here.
Choose your Path with your Heart. If it is true that all paths lead to the same place, Death, then choose the one that makes you happy in the moment. Choosing a path that will eventually make you happy and with Death knocking on your door is incongruent and wasteful.
Fight Every Battle as if it is your Last. With Death as my Guide I will live more completely and in the present moment. Fighting every battle as if it is my last will push me to greatness.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
The secret to success is not to try to avoid or get rid of or shrink from your problems. The secret is to grow yourself so that you are bigger than any problem.
If you have a big problem in your life, All that means is that you are being a small person. Don't be fooled by appearances. Your outer world is merely a reflection of your inner world. If you want to make permanent change, stop focusing on the size of your problems and start focusing on the size of YOU!!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Charlotte took a few minutes to talk about the advice she would give to top producing agent. I was surprised and happy to hear that there were no secrets.
Monday, February 8, 2010
I was fortunate enough to have an opportunity to interview Charlotte Thomas. She is a local Top Producing agent that reminds us to make sure we always keep in mind, "Who Can I help todaY?"