Monday, September 17, 2012
I don't have anything to talk about
I was thinking through a story that I was going to tell my girlfriend and I realized it was a lament. I was complaining about some perceived insult or injury or unfairness and my inner champion drew my attention to my self talk. After much inner debate I decided that I did not want to relate to people based on pointing out how I had been victimized by the universe. One of the beliefs and credos that I am also working on adopting is that I am 100 per cent responsible for everything that happens to me. If I am complaining constantly about minor inconveniences I am ceding control of my life to forces outside myself. As I thought through this process I realized that complaining is the manifestation of a contradiction that I don't want to live with anymore. Today I am choosing not to complain. This has caused a different problem. I don't have anything to say. I didn't call my girlfriend at work today because all I could think of to do was to recite a list of everything that had gone wrong to that point. She didn't know about my new commitment and when I told her she quickly understood the reason that I was being so quiet. I am working through it because I believe that there is something good on the other side so I am willing to be quiet until I figure out a way to relate to others in a positive uplifting and personally responsible manner.